Slumdog's Aftermath… Thanks Danny Boyle.

I walk down the street and I get an extra turn. Are they looking at me because I'm hot or are they looking at me because I'm Indian?

"Hey did you see that Slumdog Millionaire?" a stranger asks.
Yes.
"That Indian movie won all the Oscars!" they tell me.
No it didn't and I don't care... Why does everyone think I would care so much about this movie? Oh. Yes. I'm Indian. (Automatic guilt by association)

I was in India when the film was released. And guess what? No one in India gave a shit. But here in United States of America the movie was so over-hyped. People kept telling me how amazing it was and how it was going to win all the awards this season. Like I care. Yes, I saw it, so what? And yes, the little Indian kids were cute as fuck but it wasn't as life changing as everyone said it would be. Except maybe it was life changing because of how it's... changed my life? I am now super cool because I'm Indian. It's true. Let's face it. If you're Indian then you're automatically associated with Slumdog Millionaire which then equates to major coolness. I'm super popular now thanks to one Indian lover, director Boyle.

"Is it true? Did you see the slums?" one inquires.
"Yes. Yes it's all true. The slums, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, the dancing at the train station. All everyday occurrences in India." I say flatly.

After all the (welcomed) racist hounding how can I use all of this to my advantage? I start making up crap.

"Hey you look like that girl Freida Pinto!"
No I don't. Or wait a minute... Yes, yes I do, she's actually my cousin. Weird, right? Small world.

Boys. Lots of them. I'm just snapping them right up, from the far east (literally) to this wonderful western world (also literally), I am so hot right now. Not only is being Indian in general in vogue but guys seem to have gotten smitten for Latika and anything that remotely resembles the exotic spice is good enough for them. I try to go out as much as possible (think: every night) around dinnertime because that's when food is at its best. I get food for free and what happens afterward? Well... Let's just say the fact that though I'm in my late twenties (Turn On #1), sharing a bedroom with my sister (Turn On #2) and niece (Turn On #3) and under the same small roof as my parents (Turn On #4) ... I'm pretty, freaking cool. Pure bred, hot-blooded Indian, let’s face it, I’m culturally relevant and that makes me awesome. Guys, why don’t you come on by, my doctor-lawyer mother will whip up a chair while you negotiate the dowry with my engineer-yoga instructor father.

I have no choice but to just ride the beautiful curry-colored wave of the Indian trend. I owe it to the motherland.

Bollywood is so in right now. Thanks Danny Boyle!